10 things I wish Lacuna could erase from my mind

Eternal Sunshine
  1. The existence of nutella. So good, but so wrong.
  2. All instances of Tara Reid, but most especially these horrifying photos (NSFW, and truly frightening)
  3. Stealthy fart smells, especially on the subway and when taking the streetcar down King street. I used to think people were rude, then I realized that the city just smells bad. Well, and people are rude.
  4. That time when I capped off staying awake for over eighty consecutive hours by eating a massive plate of Mongo Bongo (plastic-mall food-stir fry) and riding the so-called “Death Rollercoaster” in West Edmonton Mall. Dear innocent bystanders: I apologize.
  5. Three words: 80’s hair metal. What was I thinking?
  6. The advertising jingle “Everybody loves Marineland.”
  7. Actually thinking that doing the splits in front of Karen H. would impress her, and then trying to do so while wearing tight jeans. In front of many witnesses. Grade 7 was a very long year.
  8. Feliz-fucking-Navidad.
  9. The night when I got into a substance-induced bellowing match with a poor Salisbury House employee over the deluded idea that calling their hamburgers “nips” was a racist act.
  10. Convincing myself she meant no, when she actually meant yes.

Anything you wish you could forget?

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