You Light Up My Life

microphone.gifSo I finally sat down and watched American Idol with Renée for the first time (yes, I’ve managed to resist until now). Normally, I’m filled with an almost overwhelming urge to scream obscenities and throw remotes whenever reality TV shows come on, but there’s something strangely refreshing about this particular show.

I guess it’s because it’s so darn nostalgic. I mean, no one is openly stabbing each other in the back (or plotting to). No one is forming alliances with the other singers, or trying to show why they’re the biggest ho in the room (ElimiDate, I’m looking in your skanky direction). No one is trying to show how many African manure maggots they can devour in fifteen minutes, or how many eligible bachelors they can mindfuck before the next commercial break.

Compared to all of these other shows, American Idol is so wholesome. Just a bunch of people singing their little hearts out, and people cheering their favourites each week. It’s like Solid Gold wrapped in Star Search (but not the crapulent Arsenio Hall disaster); I keep expecting Marilyn McCoo to come out at any second wearing those bright gold lamée pants and that 24-karat smile, flanked by the Solid Gold Dancers, writhing away.

With all of the insane reality going on in the world, I actually can see why people are craving something fly-away fluffy and escapist like this. It’s still totally idiotic, but at least this time I can see why people are enjoying it so much.

So, if American Idol is massively popular, and if they are raking in the advertising dollars from the seemingly unending (and unabashed) product placements that appear on the show, and if millions of people watch and call in and participate each week, will someone please tell me why is it that they can’t afford to buy the rights to some goddamn decent music?

I mean, Peaches and Herb’s Reunited? Don McLean’s Vincent? Over the Rainbow?! Sweet bejesus, strike me deaf and dumb now.

(Oh, and Ruben is so obviously going to win. That other guy is just a young Barry Manilow, and we all know what happens to Barry Manilow lookalikes.)

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