Retching in their general direction / being selfish

1. Walking into the living room as Renée was channel-surfing.

2. Thinking that some hapless studio technician had accidentally put in a soap opera tape instead of ER.

3. Realizing that no, this was another one of those goddamn reality TV shows.

4. Throwing the remote at the TV while screaming fuckyoufuckyoufuckyou loudly and most insistently as we barrelled headlong in the handbasket of hell, accompanied by the foul nihilism of The Bachelor.

5. Stomping out, bellowing angrily as the television filled the living room with desperate eyes, egomaniacal male swagger, and the sounds of a once hallowed institution whimpering as it is kicked to the curb yet again.

Okay, so now I’m going to be selfish for a moment.

The chair that my ass currently sits on needs to be replaced. It’s an okay looking wooden kitchen chair, with a rather smushed pillow placed on it in a useless attempt at increasing its comfort level. It causes great pain to me when I sit in front of it and work all day. Chinese people aren’t know for their big, cushiony bottoms, you know.

What I want is the chair I used to sit in when I worked at Sympatico-Lycos. You got it, my butt used to grace the contours of the Mercedes of office furniture, an Aeron chair. And I want one.

Of The Chaircourse, I’ve got Aeron chair fantasies, but live in a crappy, hard wooden chair reality. A guy I work with gave me an idea, though. He used to work for one of the gigantic monsters of the dot-com world, and he told me that when they did slash and burn layoffs, they just packed truckloads of office furniture and computer equipment and threw it all away. Dumped it at the dump. He got a 22” studio display for something like 400 bucks, the bastard.

So, I’m thinking that there’s gotta be some way I can take advantage of the probably high number of orphaned Aeron chairs out there. But, being in Canada I’m sure there’s not as plentiful a-pickin’s as in the U.S. Anyone want to help me realize my dream and help me find, er, affordable housing?

I sit a size “B”. My butt will thank you profusely.

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